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Rude t-shirts and couple setsSpend money or leave.

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Newest first.

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$90 Bed. She Chose the Box. crewneck sweatshirt
$90 Bed. She Chose the Box.$37.95Five stars for the packaging.
It Was Too Close to the Edge
It Was Too Close to the Edge$25.95Gravity was the cat's idea.
I Paid for the Couch
I Paid for the Couch$25.95His couch. Your monthly payments.
I Tell My Cat More Than I Tell You
I Tell My Cat More Than I Tell You$25.95The cat signed an NDA.
He's Friendly. I'm Not.
He's Friendly. I'm Not.$25.95One of you came here to make friends.
Three Pets. Then Violence.
Three Pets. Then Violence.$25.95Count carefully.
5AM Club long-sleeve shirt
5AM Club$33.95Members are present. Members are not okay.
Social Skills Loading zip hoodie
Social Skills Loading$44.95Zero percent. Holding steady.

CHRISTMAS

For loving the season from across the room.

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Do Not Disturb Until January
Do Not Disturb Until January$25.95
Deck the Halls, Not the Family
Deck the Halls, Not the Family$25.95
I Checked the List
I Checked the List$25.95
Dear Santa, Define 'Good'
Dear Santa, Define 'Good'$25.95
Krampus Was Right
Krampus Was Right$25.95
The Cat Got More Gifts
The Cat Got More Gifts$25.95
Santa Isn't Real. My Bill Is.
Santa Isn't Real. My Bill Is.$25.95
Merry Me-Mas
Merry Me-Mas$25.95

MATCHING MISTAKES

Couple sets. Two shirts, one order. You each pick your own size.

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LEAVE ME ALONE

For when people keep talking to you.

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I'll Be Right Back. / No I Won't.
I'll Be Right Back. / No I Won't.$32.95
After You. Now Move.
After You. Now Move.$32.95
Be Worse
Be Worse$25.95
Go Away.
Go Away.$25.95
Hi. That's All You Get.
Hi. That's All You Get.$32.95
I Saw Your Call. I Continued My Day.
I Saw Your Call. I Continued My Day.$25.95
I'm Not a People Person. You're the People.
I'm Not a People Person. You're the People.$25.95
I'm the Reason the Family Group Chat Has Rules.
I'm the Reason the Family Group Chat Has Rules.$25.95

AT WORK

For the job that pays you to be polite.

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Your Urgency Sounds Like a You Problem.
Your Urgency Sounds Like a You Problem.$25.95
Act Your Wage. I Am.
Act Your Wage. I Am.$25.95
Left The House For This
Left The House For This$25.95
Motivation Loading
Motivation Loading$25.95
Not Our Priority
Not Our Priority$25.95
Off the Clock
Off the Clock$25.95
Quick Question.
Quick Question.$25.95
Shut Up. Check Out.
Shut Up. Check Out.$25.95

BUYING FOR SOMEONE?

It's easier to be rude on someone else's behalf.

Gifts for People Who Hate PeopleFor the friend who leaves parties early. They'll wear it to the next one.Open the guideFunny Christmas Gifts for CoworkersSecret Santa, sorted. Nobody has to know you tried.Open the guideFunny Couple ShirtsFor two people who agreed to this.Open the guide

MONEY

For anyone whose bank balance started talking back.

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I Still Want the Money
I Still Want the Money$25.95
Insufficient Funds
Insufficient Funds$25.95
Majoring in Poor Decisions
Majoring in Poor Decisions$25.95
Me vs My Bank Balance
Me vs My Bank Balance$25.95
My Rent Went Up. My Standards Went Down.
My Rent Went Up. My Standards Went Down.$25.95
My Therapist Takes Card
My Therapist Takes Card$25.95
R.I.P. My Savings
R.I.P. My Savings$25.95
Retail Therapy
Retail Therapy$25.95

GAMERS

For anyone who said one more game and meant four.

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Skill Issue (Yours)
Skill Issue (Yours)$25.95
NPC: Nothing to Say
NPC: Nothing to Say$25.95
Achievement: Left the House
Achievement: Left the House$25.95
Patch Notes v1.0
Patch Notes v1.0$25.95
Social Battery: 1 HP
Social Battery: 1 HP$25.95
Not Lagging. Ignoring You.
Not Lagging. Ignoring You.$25.95
Carried You. You're Welcome.
Carried You. You're Welcome.$25.95
Touched Grass. Didn't Like It
Touched Grass. Didn't Like It$25.95

GYM

For people who count their reps out loud.

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It All Counts. Shut Up
It All Counts. Shut Up$25.95
Paid 12 Months. Went Twice
Paid 12 Months. Went Twice$25.95
Lifting Anyway
Lifting Anyway$25.95
5AM Club long-sleeve shirt
5AM Club$33.95
Bulking oversized t-shirt
Bulking$39.95
Cardio Is a Scam hoodie
Cardio Is a Scam$41.95
Certified Gym Rodent oversized t-shirt
Certified Gym Rodent$39.95
Cheaper Than Therapy hoodie
Cheaper Than Therapy$41.95

THE DECK

Our tarot set. Every card is bad news.

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The Group-Chat Lurker
The Group-Chat Lurker$25.95
The Ghost
The Ghost$25.95
The Flake
The Flake$25.95
The Lurker
The Lurker$25.95
The Oversharer
The Oversharer$25.95
The Reply Guy
The Reply Guy$25.95

PETS

The pet runs the house. The shirt admits it.

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I Tell My Cat More Than I Tell You
I Tell My Cat More Than I Tell You$25.95
$90 Bed. She Chose the Box. crewneck sweatshirt
$90 Bed. She Chose the Box.$37.95
He's Friendly. I'm Not.
He's Friendly. I'm Not.$25.95
I Paid for the Couch
I Paid for the Couch$25.95
It Was Too Close to the Edge
It Was Too Close to the Edge$25.95
Three Pets. Then Violence.
Three Pets. Then Violence.$25.95
Sold under protest

THE NICE SHELF

Polite shirts. Somebody insisted, and we didn't pick them.

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Warm-Up Set hoodie
Warm-Up Set$41.95
Dec 24 to Dec 26: Offline
Dec 24 to Dec 26: Offline$25.95
404 LAN Division
404 LAN Division$25.95
AFK Cat
AFK Cat$25.95
Autosave. crop top
Autosave.$33.95
Brought One (1) Gift
Brought One (1) Gift$25.95
Cardio Club (Reluctant) crewneck sweatshirt
Cardio Club (Reluctant)$37.95
Co-Op Mode: Shared Snacks crewneck sweatshirt
Co-Op Mode: Shared Snacks$37.95

EVERY SHELF.

In case you scrolled past the one about you.

Free shipping on every order.
Arrived damaged or wrong? We replace or refund it, free.
Secure checkout. No account needed.

WEAR THE THING YOU’RE TOO POLITE TO SAY.

NO BROWSING™ sells rude t-shirts. Each one says something you think every day and would never say out loud. Now the shirt says it, and you get to look innocent.

The shelves

Start with LEAVE ME ALONE if people keep talking to you. AT WORK is for the job that pays you to be polite. MONEY is for anyone whose bank balance has started talking back. CHRISTMAS is for loving the season from across the room. GYM is for people who count their reps out loud. GAMERS is for anyone who said one more game and meant four. THE DECK is our tarot set, and every card is bad news.

Some mistakes take two people. Our couple sets, MATCHED BY POOR JUDGMENT™, are two shirts bought together: one for you, one for the person who agreed to this. They live on MATCHING MISTAKES.

Then there is THE NICE SHELF. Polite shirts. Somebody insisted, and we didn’t pick them.

Shipping and returns

Shipping is free on every order. We ship to the US, the EU and UK, Canada, and pretty much everywhere else. US orders usually arrive in about 5 to 10 business days, and the EU, UK and Canada in about 6 to 12. The rest of the world takes longer. The details are on the shipping page.

If your order arrives damaged, defective or wrong, tell us within 30 days of delivery and we’ll replace it or refund you for free, but we don’t take returns for a change of mind or a wrong size (the law can overrule us, and the returns page says where).

Gift guides

Gift guides: Gifts for People Who Hate People · Funny Christmas Gifts for Coworkers · Funny Couple Shirts.

There’s one rule here. It’s in the name.