Loading…
NO BROWSING™ · RUDE T-SHIRTS
THE DECK
Which insufferable friend are you. You already know.
Five tarot cards. Five friends you already have. Pick the one you’re dreading.
The Group-Chat Lurker
$25.95
The Ghost
$25.95
The Flake
$25.95
The Lurker
$25.95
The Oversharer
$25.95
The Reply Guy
$25.95
What the tarot tees are
Five designs drawn as engraved tarot cards, each one a friend everybody has. THE LURKER has read all 47 messages and blessed exactly zero. THE GHOST vanishes mid-sentence and resurfaces three weeks later with “omg sorry just saw this.” THE FLAKE is 100% down until roughly forty minutes before. THE REPLY GUY just wanted to add one thing, under every post, forever. THE OVERSHARER answers “how are you?” with a nineteen-part saga and full medical context.
Each card sits large on the chest with its name across the bottom, the way a real card would. They work alone. They work better together, which is the point of a deck.
Who wears a funny tarot card tee
People who can name which card every friend is in under a second. The group chat with one member who hasn’t replied since March. Anyone who has planned a trip and watched it die at the “so who’s actually in” stage.
Buy it for the friend it describes. They’ll know, and so will everyone who reads it off their chest. The one who gets THE FLAKE will say they’ll wear it to the next thing, and then not come. That’s the review.
How to pick one
Pick the friend first, then the card. If you’re buying for yourself and can’t decide, that’s THE LURKER. For a group, collect the deck: five cards, five people, and nobody has to say out loud which is which. Each card comes in black, navy or dark grey heather, dark on purpose, so the engraving reads like an old deck and not a cartoon.
Add them to the cart one at a time, each in its own size. Shipping is free whether you buy one card or all five.
Sizing, delivery, exchanges
Sizes run XS to 5XL on a standard unisex fit: a 38 to 41 inch chest is an M, 42 to 45 is an L, 46 to 49 is an XL. The size guide on every product page has the laid-flat width and length in inches and centimetres. The card is a front design, so it sits the same on every size; a bigger shirt doesn’t get a bigger card. XS to XL are the listed price, 2XL and up a little more.
Free shipping on every order: about 5 to 10 business days to the US, about 6 to 12 to the EU, UK and Canada. Every shirt is made after you order it, so we don’t take returns for a change of mind or a wrong size. If a card arrives damaged, defective or wrong, email support within 30 days of delivery and it’s replaced or refunded, free. The returns page has the full terms.
Questions people ask
Are these real tarot cards?
They’re shirts. The artwork is drawn in the style of an engraved deck, name plate and all, but the only fortune on it is about your friend, and it has already come true.
Which tarot tee is which friend?
THE LURKER reads everything and replies to nothing. THE GHOST disappears mid-conversation. THE FLAKE cancels on the day. THE REPLY GUY has thoughts about your post. THE OVERSHARER has thoughts about everything else. You placed everyone before you finished reading that.
Can I buy the whole deck?
Yes. Add all five, each in its own size and colour, and they ship as one order with free shipping. Nobody has to be told which card is theirs. They’ll work it out.
What size should I get?
Our tees are a standard unisex fit. Lay a shirt that already fits flat, measure armpit to armpit, and match it to the width column in the size guide on the product page. Between sizes, go up.