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NO BROWSING™ · RUDE CLOTHES
LEAVE ME ALONE
Shirts for people who like people in theory. The shirt handles the practice.
I'll Be Right Back. / No I Won't.
$32.95
After You. Now Move.
$32.95
Be Worse
$25.95
Go Away.
$25.95
Hi. That's All You Get.
$32.95
I Saw Your Call. I Continued My Day.
$25.95
I'm Not a People Person. You're the People.
$25.95
I'm the Reason the Family Group Chat Has Rules.
$25.95
If I Wanted Your Opinion, I'd Lower My Standards.
$25.95
My Free Time Is Not Your Availability.
$25.95
No Signal. No Interest.
$41.95
One More Voice Note.
$25.95
Out of Fucks
$25.95
People Who Already Know
$25.95
Self-Checkout. Still Too Much Human Contact.
$25.95
Social Skills Loading
$44.95
System Requirements
$37.95
Too Close.
$25.95
Will Leave Mid-Conversation
$25.95
You Are Here. Why.
$37.95
You Tried. Again.
$25.95
Your Opinion: $0.00
$25.95
Your Podcast Could've Been a Private Thought
$25.95
Funny shirts for introverts, written by someone who meant it
Most introvert shirts are cute. A cat, a book, a soft “sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.” These are not those. I’M NOT A PEOPLE PERSON. YOU’RE THE PEOPLE. is the specific version of a line everyone has used the general version of. I SAW YOUR CALL. I CONTINUED MY DAY. is an honest voicemail. HI. THAT’S ALL YOU GET. is a greeting with a hard limit on the front, and the back deals with anyone who wanted more. TOO CLOSE. has nothing on the front at all; the line is on the back, for the person in the queue who has never heard of personal space.
The seasonal one, IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME TO LEAVE ME ALONE, gets you from the first string of lights to the second of January. It lives on CHRISTMAS now, with the rest of the season.
Who wears a leave me alone shirt
The person who sends “can’t talk right now” from the sofa. The one who takes the long way round to avoid a neighbour. The one who muted the group chat, and the one who is the reason the group chat has rules. Also nurses on their day off, retail staff in December, and anyone who has ever been told to smile more.
Buy it for yourself, or for the friend who has cancelled on you three times this year and would like this more than another dinner. There’s a whole guide for that: Gifts for People Who Hate People.
How to pick one
Pick the behaviour, not the mood. Someone who ignores calls: I SAW YOUR CALL. Someone who sends four-minute voice notes: ONE MORE VOICE NOTE., and send them the shirt instead of a reply. Someone who stands too close: TOO CLOSE. Someone who leaves parties the way other people leave rooms: I’LL BE RIGHT BACK. / NO I WON’T., which says the first half to the room and the second half on the way out.
The two-sided designs cost a little more than the front-only ones; the price is on the tile, no surprises later. Every design comes in a dark set or a light set, and the ink is picked to read from across a room, because that is the distance these are meant to be read from.
Sizing, delivery, exchanges
Sizes run XS to 5XL on a standard unisex fit: a 38 to 41 inch chest is an M, 42 to 45 is an L, 46 to 49 is an XL. The size guide on every product page has the laid-flat width and length in inches and centimetres. If you’re between two, go up. XS to XL are the listed price and 2XL and above cost a little more; the size chip shows the number before you add it.
Shipping is free, everywhere we ship. US orders usually land in about 5 to 10 business days, the EU, UK and Canada in about 6 to 12, and the rest of the world takes longer. Each shirt is made after you order it, so there are no change-of-mind or wrong-size returns. Damaged, defective or not what you ordered: email support within 30 days of delivery for a free replacement or refund. Details on the returns page.
Questions people ask
Are these shirts rude?
Rude about behaviour, never about who someone is. They roast calling instead of texting, standing too close, the voice note, the unsolicited opinion. Everyone who reads one off your chest has done at least one of those things this week.
What’s the best leave me alone shirt for an introvert?
The one that matches a thing they actually do. Phone-ignorer: I SAW YOUR CALL. I CONTINUED MY DAY. Greeting-only person: HI. THAT’S ALL YOU GET. If you don’t know them well enough to pick, I’M NOT A PEOPLE PERSON. YOU’RE THE PEOPLE. reads as a joke on everyone at once, which is the safe one.
Can I buy one as a gift without knowing their size?
Check the tag on a tee they wear, or use the chest measurement: 38 to 41 inches is an M, 42 to 45 is an L, 46 to 49 is an XL. Between sizes, go up. We can’t take back a wrong size, so a minute with a tape measure beats a guess.
How long does delivery take?
About 5 to 10 business days to the US, about 6 to 12 to the EU, UK and Canada, longer elsewhere. Shipping is free. You get a tracking number by email the moment it ships.