Account 0 (embarrassing.)

NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT • NO BROWSING • YES, WE ARE OPEN. UNFORTUNATELY. • IT'S A SHIRT. NOT A MORTGAGE. • NOTHING HERE GETS CHEAPER IF YOU WAIT •

Black t-shirt with the The Only Secret Santa I Want design

The Only Secret Santa I Want

Two weeks' notice, with a bow on it.

An opened Secret Santa box with a folded letter sticking out and the ribbon undone, between THE ONLY SECRET SANTA I WANT and IS MY RESIGNATION. Wear it to the office exchange. Bring the candle anyway, you're not a monster.

$24.95

Colors are the easy part. Read the size chart.

COLOR FIRST:

Black. One of these is wrong.

PICK ONE:

It comes in options. Try not to spiral.

Get it right the first time

Don’t guess. Go find a shirt you already like the fit of and measure that one.

Size chart: body chest range and garment measurements laid flat, in inches and centimetres
Size	Fits chestinches	Width, flatin / cm	Lengthin / cm
XS	31–34″	16.5″ / 41.9 cm	27″ / 68.6 cm
S	34–37″	18″ / 45.7 cm	28″ / 71.1 cm
M	38–41″	20″ / 50.8 cm	29″ / 73.7 cm
L	42–45″	22″ / 55.9 cm	30″ / 76.2 cm
XL	46–49″	24″ / 61.0 cm	31″ / 78.7 cm
2XL	50–53″	26″ / 66.0 cm	32″ / 81.3 cm
3XL	54–57″	28″ / 71.1 cm	33″ / 83.8 cm
4XL	58–61″	30″ / 76.2 cm	34″ / 86.4 cm
5XL	62–65″	32″ / 81.3 cm	35″ / 88.9 cm

How to measure. Lay a shirt that already fits flat on a table. Armpit to armpit is the width. Highest point of the shoulder straight down to the hem is the length. Compare those two numbers to the table.

Why width looks small. Width is the shirt laid flat, armpit to armpit, so it’s half the way around. A 42″ chest wants a 22″ width, which is an L.

Product measurements may vary by up to 2" (5 cm).

Yes, they’re buttons. Tap one.

Free shipping. Everywhere.
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Made to order, just for you
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Damaged or wrong? We fix it free.
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Checkout's locked down

Saving is just buying, later. And later never comes, does it.

WHAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY WEARING

Cotton: 100% Airlume combed cotton. The soft, smooth kind. Nothing scratchy sawing at you all day. The heathers blend in a little polyester — that flecked look doesn’t happen on its own.
Weight: Light, around 4.2 oz. An everyday tee you forget you’re wearing, not a stiff box with sleeves.
Fit: True to size. Modern unisex cut. Not baggy, not slim, no drama.
Built: Side-seamed so it keeps its shape, pre-shrunk, and a tear-away tag. Nothing itching the back of your neck.
The feel: The design lives in the fabric, not stuck on top of it. Soft the second you put it on, still soft after the tenth wash. No stiff plastic patch cracking and peeling off like the cheap stuff. Yours, and it stays that way.

WHEN IT SHOWS UP (SOONER IF YOU’D COMMIT)

USA: About a week. Two if it’s busy. Quick, for something worth the wait.
Canada: About 1–2 weeks. Made in Canada. No customs, no border fees, nobody knocking for money.
Europe: About 1–2 weeks. Made in the EU, so no customs and no surprise fees.
Everywhere else: About 2–4 weeks. Customs does what customs wants. So do you, apparently, standing here.
Shipping: Free. Everywhere. Don’t make it weird.

Estimates, not promises. The truck answers to no one. Full terms if you’re the reading type: Shipping & delivery.

YOU'LL PROBABLY IGNORE THESE TOO.

People who stalled on this stalled on these. Add them to the cart. Abandon them together.